Stop Men with Wandering Hands
After a year on Match, Violet accepted a date from a guy she'd only e-mailed a few times. My friend has a love of camping and a fear of blue foods - just like her date - making this "almost-blind-date" seem like a good idea.
"I met him in the bar of the new sushi restaurant downtown, and before we'd even sat down for dinner he went in for a kiss," Violet said. "I turned my face so he only got my cheek, but I was like 'hello, can I at least have a drink first?'"
Violet and I agree that men like this are creepy, not to mention desperate, misunderstood, or maybe just unable to decipher social cues. As Violet tried to laugh off the kiss, he reached for her hand. She pulled away only for him to put his arm around her shoulders.
Once they finally did sit down for dinner he promptly took off his right shoe and did the footsy thing-by the way, do other people really do this? I've never played footsy and as far as I know it's just a tool screenwriters use to create sexual tension among their characters in the movie.
Violet responded with what should be a patented scowl. I have never duplicated it, but it's a mixture of disgust, shock, disapproval, and frustration. I'm unable to describe the scowl better. There just aren't the right words to describe the way she drops her head to look at you from the corner of her eyes or the way she scrunches and contorts her facial muscles. Her date should have understood the message she gave immediately. Her scowl is her talent.
"There were so many problems with him at this point," Violet explained. "For starters he's flirting the way men do in soft-porn, and he wasn't smart enough to translate my scowl to really mean, back the f@#$ off! So I just asked him, flat out. 'What is your problem? Don't you know how to behave on a date?'"
"This is what it's like to have someone come on to you, don't you know?" he said as he laughed and grabbed her hands from across the table.
"Yah, I do, and I don't really like it," she responded as he ran all ten of his fingers across hers. "Do you have itchy finger tips or something, why are you still touching me?"
Her decision to stay and struggle through dinner was for woman-kind everywhere. Maybe by talking to this man she could show him just how poorly he was behaving. But based on the next day's match.com follow-up e-mail, she failed. He said he enjoyed their date and looked forward to kissing her voluptuous lips and holding her hands for real, "just like grown-ups do."
Whatever "like grown-ups do" is supposed to mean I don't know, but it sounds dirty. Violet wrote: "Do me a favor, please keep your shoes on when you're in public, always. And hey, I will not be seeing you again."
I couldn't have said it better. Violet, well done. Here is a recap for those of you out there that find yourself on a date with an itchy-fingered man:
Make a joke about him being too affectionate Give a dirty look Ask him what his problem is Advise him of his dating practice faux pas Advise him of his dating practice faux pas in a follow e-mail
About the Author: Sara Musfeldt operates a blog filled with dating stories and dating tips for everyone. She has also produced an online dating guide to help singles everywhere find love.
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