You, Your Child and His Homework
Most children hate doing homework; it restricts their freedom to play and is a grim reminder of school. They wonder why school has to continue at home also. So, it is quite normal for children to put up some kind of a fuss, which could be gentle grumbling or outright refusal.
While parents and teachers have learnt their lessons and can see the long-term benefits of studying, the children have yet to acquire such wisdom. Right now they think it is a pointless hassle that deprives them of doing fun things. Moreover, the child who finds the work hard finds the whole exercise even more demoralizing and discouraging. Under these circumstances, who would want to do homework?
So, if homework is to be done, you are going to need to set things up in a way that, to the child's way of thinking, outbalances all the negatives. You may never get to the point where she says, "Oh, goody! More homework to do! I can't wait!", but you may, at least, get to, "Well, I guess I had better get this homework done and out of the way."
How do you achieve that? Here are some suggestions:
1. Don't fight with your child. Yelling at them to do their homework probably won't work, and will just frustrate and infuriate yourself, your child, and the neighbors. Instead, be pro-active by setting up the home environment and routines so as to encourage good study habits. Focus on rewards rather than punishments.
2. Keep in touch with the school to find out how much homework is expected to be done and how long it should take. If your child takes more time or if the grades are consistently very poor, you should speak with the school. There may be some learning or attention difficulties that need to be addressed. That may be the underlying cause of not wanting to do homework. If your child finds the homework difficult to do on his own, you need to identify the problem and address it. You may want to speak to the teacher and ask if it is okay that your child spends a fixed amount of time on study even if he is not able to complete the given assignment. Some children are slow in writing, but that should not demoralize them.
3. Create a place that is conducive to working. It is hard to get homework done if you have to do it on your lap while everyone else is watching TV. Maybe have a rule about no TV until everyone's homework is done. Make a cleared space on the kitchen table, or a table or desk in her bedroom, that is clear from distractions and interruptions. Ideally set up an area that is exclusive to your child.
4. Your child may need your help and support. As long as you don't start doing it for them, you must help him to get started. Sometimes, the child gets stuck because he hasn?t understood what he is required to do. Explain that to him, but encourage him to find the answers himself in books or on the internet. You can help with spelling questions or work through the problem in math. However you help, stay calm! Don?t expect unreasonable standards. It will only lead to frustration.
5. Be generous with praise and encouragement. Express delight at every step; don?t wait till the end to say a good word. Your first goal is to get the homework done; you can think of quality later on. In fact, leave the content part of it to the teacher to correct and improve. If you have supported the homework effort, you have inculcated diligence and persistence. However, in the beginning you may have to help with spelling and punctuation mistakes.
6. If necessary, set up a reward chart that explicitly rewards homework completion by means of extra privileges, such as TV, or family treats or activities. Again, focus first on rewarding the regular completion of work. Later on you can reward higher grades. Setting up a regular schedule is often helpful.
7. There may be a specific subject that is causing problems. For that you need to see the teacher and take her help and guidance to work on the deficient areas.
8. You can help your child break up long-term projects into smaller units so that he feels encouraged after completing each unit. This will help him learn to organize and plan ahead.
9. If you have a busy routine and you cannot spare that much time for your child?s homework, look for some sort of a homework club. Many schools offer a facility for supervised homework. Most children prefer doing their homework in the company of their friends and under the guidance of the teacher. After all, they are the only ones put through this at home while the others seem to be enjoying other activities.
10. Above all, focus on helping your child to experience success. Failure breeds discouragement which leads to giving up. Success, on the other hand, is motivating and encourages more attempts. Do whatever you can to make the homework experience a success - either in itself, or by means of the rewards that it earns.
Dr. Noel Swanson is a leading expert on child behavior problems. He has a fascinating website with lots of expert parenting advice that is worth visiting. More of his articles can be found here: free articles on parenting
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